Unprepared.

(The following post is basically a bunch of rambling, so hopefully it actually makes sense!!)

I was talking to a friend earlier today about my trip and I've realized that it hasn't actually hit me yet that I'm leaving for Zambia in only 4 days. I feel like I have literally done nothing to prepare for my trip.. I haven't gone shopping for supplies, I haven't begun packing anything whatsoever, and I don't feel mentally prepared at all. The time leading up to my departure this year is really very different than the two past years that I've gone. In the past, I've always been packed for what seemed like weeks in advance, I've always been itching and anxious to get to the airport to leave and get over there. It's not that I'm not excited, because I definitely am, but I just don't feel ready- physically, mentally, and (as always) spiritually. Physically, I have no supplies and nothing packed; mentally, I don't realize how quickly my trip is approaching; and spiritually, I KNOW for a fact that I'm not ready for how the Lord is going to move.

Each summer that I've spent in Zambia, God has taught me so much about His character and He worked in me in some incredible ways; and I know that this year will be no different. This is an unpreparedness that I'm actually excited about! I feel like, in order for us to have an active walk with Christ, we always have to be open and receptive to how He chooses to teach us. A lot of times, this involves us getting out of our comfort zone and taking steps of faith out onto the sea as the Lord calls us. I'm speaking to myself more than anyone right now so this may not be making much sense, but we all need to be ready to get uncomfortable in our ministry and our walk with the Lord. We can't stay complacent and content with where we are- that just shows lack of growth in our faith. If we watch for it, God is always trying to push us to become stronger in our faith and to trust Him more and more; and it is at these boundaries that we find ourselves uncomfortable. Here's what it boils down to: when the Lord calls us to step out into unchartered waters of trust, when He tests our faith more than He has before, we are faced with a decision to follow Him or to retreat back into our safe little bubble of comfort. If we choose to stay where we are, there is no growth. But if we choose to step out in faith into those unfamiliar waters and trust Him with the outcome, it is THEN that we experience magnificent growth! Our faith is stretched, and we are refreshed and have reached a higher level of trust in the Lord than we've ever experienced. THIS is what I know I'm unprepared for. I know that I will be faced with many such decisions this summer, so I am praying that I will respond to them in the way that brings about incredible growth. Because not only will I grow, but the people around me will also (hopefully) be able to see how God is stretching me and moving in me and doing these wonderful things through me!

I know that this is what I want this summer and I know that I am utterly unprepared for it, but I'm confident that it's coming, and I'm confident that the Lord is going to do incredible and MIGHTY things. And it's going to be one heck of a victorious summer for the Lord in Zambia.