thankful, undeserving, and ready

It's almost 1:30am as I write this and I can't sleep. My mind is racing as I think of the things I need to do before I leave in ten days and no matter what I do, I cannot turn the thoughts off and fall asleep. In Zambia, it's almost 8:30am. Exactly two weeks from this time and this day, I will be on my way to camp where I will get to sing, dance, and play with hundreds of orphans.

Throughout the summer, I know I will get to see God redeem these orphans and help them realize that they are not really orphans at all, but they have a Father in heaven who loves them so much more than they could ever imagine. I get to watch the Lord BREAK CHAINS and FREE His sons and daughters from the bondage of darkness; and I get to see the instant transformation that that brings in a child. He has been faithful to do that hundreds of times over in the past summers, and I know that He wants to do that this summer too. The Camp LIFE theme this summer is POWER, and we will be teaching the kids about the armor of God and what that looks like in their lives. For these kids, this is revolutionary information. The boys and girls that attend camp come from the most broken homes imaginable. Verbal, physical, sexual, and spiritual abuse, neglect, hunger, pain, loss, poverty, sickness, darkness. You name it, these kids have experienced it first hand. But when they learn that God wants to give them the tools to survive against all odds and that His power can be real in their lives, darkness will flee and their lives will be changed... FOREVER. They will learn that the Creator of the universe is on THEIR side and wants to FIGHT in combat for them; they will be empowered by the Word and the Spirit, and they will rise up as an army for the Lord and begin to transform the face of their community in the name of Christ.

Those are things that I KNOW will happen this summer. But here's what I don't know: I don't know why that Lord has chosen me to go. I have in no way earned the privilege to be a part of this and I don't deserve it. I have not suffered like these kids have or in any way for this to be some kind of reward. I am most definitely not perfect in any way, shape, or form so I know I don't merit such a blessing as this. But I'm forever grateful. God has called me back for this fourth time to Zambia and I don't know what He has planned for me, but I know I'm excited to see what it is. He is gracious and merciful and uses the undeserving and incompetent to bring glory to His name, and for that I am so, so thankful. God is all-powerful, He can bring ALL glory to His name on His own. He doesn't have to, but He chooses to use broken vessels like me to carry His name out to the world. Paul says my thoughts exactly in 1 Timothy 1:12, "I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service." I feel so blessed.

Phil Wickham just put out a new album, Singalong 2. It's basically just him playing worship music on his guitar with a bunch of people singing along (hence the name), but it's so powerful. One of the songs included on the CD is originally an old hymn, "Spirit of the Living God," and I've had this song on replay because it's exactly how I feel specifically about this summer. The lyrics are below; they're so simple, yet they're so raw and powerful!

Spirit of the Living God,

fall afresh on me.

Spirit of the Living God,

fall afresh on me.

Melt me, mold me,

fill me, use me.

10 days.

Blessings,
Mariah

like gold through fire.

It's about 4pm on my last Sunday here in College Station this semester, and I'm avoiding studying for my final on Tuesday. I can't focus because I'm too busy getting excited about this summer- for those of you who don't know, I'm heading back to Zambia for all of June and July! For the past few months, my mind has been replaying sweet memories from past summers in Zambia, pumping me up for the two months I'll get to spend there very soon! I've had a countdown to my departure going on my computer for a while now (26 days from today) and my soul is so anxious to be back overseas with those kids I have fallen in love with over the years! 

This is the blog that I used for my last summer over there to keep everyone updated and for me to write down my experiences, and I'm going to use it again this summer! So I'm starting it up again today!  

"...so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

1 Peter 1:7

"And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, ‘They are my people’; and they will say, ‘The LORD is my God.’”

Zechariah 13:9

I guess my prayer for this summer is that God would challenge me, grow me, and change me for His good. And I know He will! I feel like God has been preparing me for this theme for a few months now and I am ready for it. I genuinely WANT to be "refined like gold through fire" because that means I am becoming more pure. Gold emerges from the fire, and I know that when I come through the fire, all glory will go to the Lord because I couldn't have done any of it on my own. In the verse from Zechariah, it was after the Israelites went through the fire that they were closer to the Lord. The testing of our faith calls us to rely on the Lord and trust in Him, and our God IS faithful and will be during our times of fire. I want to be REFINED and for my impurities to be removed by fire. I don't know what challenges the Lord will put in my path this summer, but I know that in His name and by His grace I will be able to overcome any and all curveballs that Satan tries to throw at me.

I'm ready to see the Lord's POWER, not only in my life in the challenges I experience, but also in the lives of all of the kiddos coming to Camp LIFE! God's POWER is the theme this year, and I know we won't be disappointed. I'm excited to see our mighty and powerful God break the strongest chains that the enemy has wrapped around our kids, and I absolutely cannot WAIT to see how He changes Lusaka this summer. 

Like I said, I have no idea what God has in store for me, for Camp LIFE, or for the kids for this summer, but I know He has some big tricks up His sleeve! I want everyone to be able to know about how God moves in Zambia this summer, so I will do my best to keep this blog updated! 

26 days.

Mariah