thankful, undeserving, and ready

It's almost 1:30am as I write this and I can't sleep. My mind is racing as I think of the things I need to do before I leave in ten days and no matter what I do, I cannot turn the thoughts off and fall asleep. In Zambia, it's almost 8:30am. Exactly two weeks from this time and this day, I will be on my way to camp where I will get to sing, dance, and play with hundreds of orphans.

Throughout the summer, I know I will get to see God redeem these orphans and help them realize that they are not really orphans at all, but they have a Father in heaven who loves them so much more than they could ever imagine. I get to watch the Lord BREAK CHAINS and FREE His sons and daughters from the bondage of darkness; and I get to see the instant transformation that that brings in a child. He has been faithful to do that hundreds of times over in the past summers, and I know that He wants to do that this summer too. The Camp LIFE theme this summer is POWER, and we will be teaching the kids about the armor of God and what that looks like in their lives. For these kids, this is revolutionary information. The boys and girls that attend camp come from the most broken homes imaginable. Verbal, physical, sexual, and spiritual abuse, neglect, hunger, pain, loss, poverty, sickness, darkness. You name it, these kids have experienced it first hand. But when they learn that God wants to give them the tools to survive against all odds and that His power can be real in their lives, darkness will flee and their lives will be changed... FOREVER. They will learn that the Creator of the universe is on THEIR side and wants to FIGHT in combat for them; they will be empowered by the Word and the Spirit, and they will rise up as an army for the Lord and begin to transform the face of their community in the name of Christ.

Those are things that I KNOW will happen this summer. But here's what I don't know: I don't know why that Lord has chosen me to go. I have in no way earned the privilege to be a part of this and I don't deserve it. I have not suffered like these kids have or in any way for this to be some kind of reward. I am most definitely not perfect in any way, shape, or form so I know I don't merit such a blessing as this. But I'm forever grateful. God has called me back for this fourth time to Zambia and I don't know what He has planned for me, but I know I'm excited to see what it is. He is gracious and merciful and uses the undeserving and incompetent to bring glory to His name, and for that I am so, so thankful. God is all-powerful, He can bring ALL glory to His name on His own. He doesn't have to, but He chooses to use broken vessels like me to carry His name out to the world. Paul says my thoughts exactly in 1 Timothy 1:12, "I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service." I feel so blessed.

Phil Wickham just put out a new album, Singalong 2. It's basically just him playing worship music on his guitar with a bunch of people singing along (hence the name), but it's so powerful. One of the songs included on the CD is originally an old hymn, "Spirit of the Living God," and I've had this song on replay because it's exactly how I feel specifically about this summer. The lyrics are below; they're so simple, yet they're so raw and powerful!

Spirit of the Living God,

fall afresh on me.

Spirit of the Living God,

fall afresh on me.

Melt me, mold me,

fill me, use me.

10 days.

Blessings,
Mariah